Sandwich rules
Posted by JenW under Randomosity
Onions: Do not belong on any sandwich unless they are cooked (i.e. sauteed and on a cheesesteak)
Ketchup: Does not belong on chicken, turkey, ham, any sort of salad (i.e. tuna or egg), or roast beef. Cannot be combined with tomato, lettuce, BBQ sauce, or swiss cheese. On rare occasions can be combined with mayo or bacon, or tomato and lettuce on burgers only.
Mayo: Does not belong on burgers unless there is also bacon, lettuce, tomato, and/or cheese. Can be used on chicken, turkey, ham, or roast beef. Should not be used with salads (i.e. tuna or egg) as they already have enough.
Pickles: Do not belong on any sandwich. If they are sweet gherkins, they may be eaten on the side. Dill pickles are not meant for human consumption and should not even touch the sandwich lest they contaminate the bread. Ditto for olives stuck on the top of club sandwiches.
Mustard: On occasion can be combined with bacon. Small amounts may be used with chicken, tuna, egg, etc. salad sandwiches. Gulden’s spicy brown mustard should be used whenever possible. On rare occasions can be combined with lettuce and tomato. Can be used with ketchup and mayo. Should not be combined with BBQ sauce.
Oregano: Should be used on roast beef sandwiches and in large amounts on tuna salad. Also belongs on pizza, but that’s another post.
Bacon: Should only be combined with ketchup and mustard on rare occasions. Best when combined with BBQ. Mayo is also acceptable. Does not belong on “salad” or ham sandwiches, that’s just weird.
BBQ sauce: Does not belong on hot dogs, ham, or “salad” sandwiches. Everything else is fair game (including the fries).
A1 sauce: See BBQ sauce. If used on hamburgers, it should be the only topping used. On occasion, bacon or cheese would be acceptable.
Cole slaw: Despite what Wendy’s tries to convince everyone, no one in either Carolina eats cole slaw on hamburgers. Some people eat it on Carolina style BBQ (pork cooked in vinegar based sauce). In reality, cole slaw is not fit for human consumption in any form and should not be eaten as a topping or side dish.
Chili: Belongs on hot dogs only, in small amounts. While it is acceptable on burgers, it is just too messy. Chili should not be combined with other toppings other than cheese for the same reason.
Relish: “Regular” relish is to be avoided. “Sweet pickle relish” or “sweet pickle cubes” belong on hot dogs only. Can be combined with ketchup and mustard only.
Cheesesteaks: Should only have sauteed mushrooms and onions (and possibly peppers). That’s it. No mayo, no other toppings.
There is one exception to most of these rules: the Whopper. It’s good with mayo and ketchup and everything else Except for pickles and onions, of course. *Jen hiss at pickles and onions*