A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, and then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
"Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve."
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BB Bold - Soon to be iPhone with the update.
A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet," the blonde replied.
A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies, "I owe you $50 dollars."
The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you don't understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."
"That's okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
A policeman is out on highway patrol, when a blonde races by him at about 100 mph. He catches up to the fast moving vehicle and realizes to his horror that the driver is knitting behind the wheel.
The policeman gets on his loudspeaker and commands the driver to PULL OVER! but the driver seems to mutter and just points to the piece she is knitting. The highway patrolman has to repeat his PULL OVER! command a couple of times before the speeding car finally slows, and eventually stops.
Once parked, the patrolman approaches the other car. Before he can say anything the driver leans out the window waving her work-in-progress, and says, "See silly? I told you. It's not a pullover, it's a scarf!"
Subject: Blonde year in review
> January - Took her new scarf back to
> the store because it was too tight.
> February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because
> the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
> March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw
> puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
> April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours
> when the power went out.
> May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of
> water won't fit into those little packets.
> June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she
> couldn't find a lake with a slope.
> July - After losing in a breaststroke swimming
> competition, complained to the judges that the
> other swimmers were using their arms.
> August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when
> trying to get into their locked car using a
> coat hanger because it was starting to
> rain and the top was down.
> September - When asked what the
> capital of California was: answered "C."
> October - Hates M & M's because they are so hard
> to peel.
> November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because
> the instructions said 1 hour per pound
> and she weighed 120.
> December - Couldn't call 911 because there was
> no "11" on any phone button.