Today is Oct.14th. Your birthday was exactly 6 months ago, and will come again 6 months from today. Thus, -6 and +6 = 0. Thus, your birthday is 0 days from today, which is today. So, today is your birthday. Happy Birthday!!!!
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Dr.G.
14" G4 iBook
15" MacBook Pro (July, 2009)
13" MacBooK Pro with Retina Display
Paix
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night. He awoke very ill, and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time.
When he returned, the lush remarked, "It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday."
"There was no trouble with the liquor," replied the bellboy, "but it's tough finding a Sunday paper on Tuesday."
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So the head monk goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Abe's son arrives home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face. "Dad, you'll be so proud of me" he says, "I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home".
"Oy" says Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved $20"!
__________________
Dr.G.
14" G4 iBook
15" MacBook Pro (July, 2009)
13" MacBooK Pro with Retina Display
Paix
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
A couple, both 78, went to a sex therapist's office in Winter Haven, Florida. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $140. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare. Is Florida great or what!"
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27" iMac
11" MacBook
Apple TV
iPhone 6S
________ MaxPower, he has the name that you want to touch, but you musn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear, but when you hear it, you musn't fear.
Cause his name can be said, in many different ways...
Sung to the tune of Goldfinger
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A young student was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The student stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The student said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The student replied, "Then you ask him".
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A boy walked into a supermarket and asked the clerk, "Can I have a turkey for my grandma?"
The clerk responded, "Sorry. We don't do exchanges."
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