Monday, Sep 27
Baltimore - An employee of the Space Telescope Science Institute was detained for questioning by the FBI this morning. No charges have been laid. The unnamed man is suspected of uploading a software hack to the Hubble Space Telescope. "The code is non-malicious and poses no threat to operations other than a small setback in schedule", said an STSI spokesperson, "The uploaded code allowed the hacker to aim Hubble towards Earth - which is normally a prohibited target. The objects resolved by the telescope in this case happened to coincide with the location of the Whitehouse in Washington DC - which explains why the employee has attracted the attention of federal authorities."
In response to questions about possible links to terrorism the spokesperson stated, "I cannot speculate on that, although - as I said - I see no malicious intent. Let me put it another way: an act of terrorism would have tested our president's resolve. This event however seems only to have resolved our president's testis".
GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?!? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
To die in the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
It was an historic inevitability.
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.
I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Eggsplorer is an integral part of eChicken.
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. The answer depends on your definition of chicken.
Even though I am the smartest woman in the world and know all there is to know about everything, I do not know anything about any chicken including the one allegedly found in my residence.
I invented the chicken!
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there Was much rejoicing.
A blonde man from Arkansas is going on his first overseas
trip. He drives all the way into Little Rock to apply for a
passport. In the passport office, the government official sees
that he is visibly puzzled filling his passport application.
The passport official looks over his shoulder, and sees the
blonde trying to write 'twice a week' into the small space
The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean
by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female.'"
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city people, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the city folk filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions.
Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."