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Old Oct 10th, 2016, 11:11 AM   #1981
Rps
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Recently seen on a tee shirt:

I am not ARGUING!

I am simply EXPLAINING, again and again, why I am right!
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Old Oct 10th, 2016, 12:57 PM   #1982
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rps View Post
Recently seen on a tee shirt:

I am not ARGUING!
I am simply EXPLAINING, again and again, why I am right!

Take your pick from here if you want some more choices…

https://www.google.com/search?q=I+am...sAQIHQ#imgrc=_
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Old Oct 14th, 2016, 08:11 PM   #1983
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Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere
at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, he?
I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news ! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin
Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub.
That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's
ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion
have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.

"I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama!
I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over
a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million
prisoners.."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

Canadian and Proud of it!!!
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Old Oct 14th, 2016, 09:18 PM   #1984
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CubaMark View Post
Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere
at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, he?
I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news ! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin
Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub.
That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's
ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion
have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.

"I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama!
I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over
a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million
prisoners.."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

Canadian and Proud of it!!!
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Last edited by Dr.G.; Feb 14th, 2017 at 09:46 PM.
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Old Oct 15th, 2016, 02:11 PM   #1985
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Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I’ve lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”
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Old Oct 15th, 2016, 03:38 PM   #1986
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Quote:
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Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I’ve lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”
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Old Oct 18th, 2016, 05:09 PM   #1987
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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he went to see
his doctor. He asked the doctor what could be done to cure his problem. In
response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to
ejaculate, try startling yourself".

That afternoon he went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol.
All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found
his wife was in bed, already naked and waiting. As the two began, they found
themselves in the celebrated 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the
sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man was back at the doctor's. The doctor asked, "How
did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped
on my face, bit 2 inches off my dick and my neighbour came out of the closet
with his hands in the air".
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Old Oct 18th, 2016, 05:50 PM   #1988
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Quote:
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Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I’ve lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. It asks the bartender how much for the beer. The bartender says "For you, no charge."
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Old Oct 19th, 2016, 09:58 AM   #1989
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A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your
best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender
is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast. "The sailor replies, "Well, you'd
drink that fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender says, "Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?"
"Fifty cents!"
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Old Oct 19th, 2016, 11:52 AM   #1990
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sadly its true but funny so it is a joke of the day from the past.
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Government jobs / work places : it smells like wet dogs, so do some people that work there. Everyone moves like they were injured!, It's like a low budget rehab centre
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