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Old Sep 13th, 2016, 06:31 PM   #1971
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If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now!
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Old Sep 13th, 2016, 06:31 PM   #1972
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Teacher: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
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Old Sep 14th, 2016, 01:56 PM   #1973
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Don, maybe SAP suitable

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake.

" "What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"
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Old Sep 14th, 2016, 02:03 PM   #1974
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Don, maybe SAP suitable

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake.

" "What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"
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Old Sep 20th, 2016, 02:40 PM   #1975
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I first heard a version of this parable from an acquaintance.
The point seems to be about how to communicate briefly, but effectively.
====================================
Shortly after the Union Pacific railway linked the U.S. by rail, a man named Flanagan was able to obtain a job as a ticket clerk at a station in the West.

A train was derailed, and the station master told Flanagan to write up a report, to be telegraphed to headquarters.

Here's the original, hand written version
.................................

"The westbound (combined) passenger and freight train struck the same bad stretch of track as has frequently caused several previous derailments.
This caused the engine and three passenger cars to become derailed.
The men among the passengers, along with the train crew and several local volunteers were able, after two hours of labor, to set the engine and cars back upon the tracks, and the train was able to continue without further incident."

The station master was OUTRAGED.
He berated Flanagan mercilessly, reminding him that telegraphy was EXPENSIVE, and that every WORD cost money, which would be deducted from the stationmaster's operating budget.

So here's the telegram, as sent:

" OFF AGAIN, ON AGAIN, GONE AGAIN. FLANAGAN"
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Old Sep 20th, 2016, 02:44 PM   #1976
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rps View Post
I first heard a version of this parable from an acquaintance.
The point seems to be about how to communicate briefly, but effectively.
====================================
Shortly after the Union Pacific railway linked the U.S. by rail, a man named Flanagan was able to obtain a job as a ticket clerk at a station in the West.

A train was derailed, and the station master told Flanagan to write up a report, to be telegraphed to headquarters.

Here's the original, hand written version
.................................

"The westbound (combined) passenger and freight train struck the same bad stretch of track as has frequently caused several previous derailments.
This caused the engine and three passenger cars to become derailed.
The men among the passengers, along with the train crew and several local volunteers were able, after two hours of labor, to set the engine and cars back upon the tracks, and the train was able to continue without further incident."

The station master was OUTRAGED.
He berated Flanagan mercilessly, reminding him that telegraphy was EXPENSIVE, and that every WORD cost money, which would be deducted from the stationmaster's operating budget.

So here's the telegram, as sent:

" OFF AGAIN, ON AGAIN, GONE AGAIN. FLANAGAN"
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Old Sep 25th, 2016, 10:28 AM   #1977
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Late one night, a burglar broke into a old woman's house. As he was carrying off the TV, the woman admonished him loudly, " By the power of Acts 2:38, the Holy Spirit compels you to stop and surrender!" Surprisingly, the burglar put down the TV and waited quietly until the police arrived. The officer asked the burglar why he had given up so easily. The burglar replied, " I wasn't gonna mess around with that crazy old lady! She has an axe and two .38s!"
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Old Sep 25th, 2016, 10:53 AM   #1978
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Late one night, a burglar broke into a old woman's house. As he was carrying off the TV, the woman admonished him loudly, " By the power of Acts 2:38, the Holy Spirit compels you to stop and surrender!" Surprisingly, the burglar put down the TV and waited quietly until the police arrived. The officer asked the burglar why he had given up so easily. The burglar replied, " I wasn't gonna mess around with that crazy old lady! She has an axe and two .38s!"
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Old Oct 9th, 2016, 04:20 PM   #1979
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“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”
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Old Oct 9th, 2016, 04:57 PM   #1980
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“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”
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