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Old Nov 27th, 2003, 07:24 PM   #1
 
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heard this one while I was in Montreal
enjoy....

Four brothers left home for college. They became successful doctors and
lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their
elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in her
house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a
chauffeur."

The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the
Scriptures. And you know, too, she can't read anymore because she can't see
very well. I met a minister who told me about a parrot that can recite the
entire Bible. It took twenty ministers twelve years to teach him. I had!
to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church.
Let me tell you...it was worth it. All Mama has to do is name a chapter
and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mama sent out her
thank you notes. She wrote:

Dear George,
The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean
the whole house. Thanks anyway.
Mama.

Dear Marvin,
I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I
never use the Mercedes...and the driver you hired is a Communist. The
thought was good. Thanks anyway.
Mama.

Dear Bob,
You give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people,
but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind.
I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
Mama.

Dearest Frank,
You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to
your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you. Mama. [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]
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Old Nov 27th, 2003, 07:31 PM   #2
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Macspectrum, you carry the genes of a Jewish vaudevillian within you. Good one! [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]
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Old Nov 27th, 2003, 07:33 PM   #3
 
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Nu? You vant I should go on da stage?
Vat do I know from vaudeville? [shrug of shoulders]

Oy!

edited for accent

[ November 27, 2003, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: macspectrum ]
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Old Nov 27th, 2003, 07:53 PM   #4
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Peter, if Macspectrum just said that in a Delancey Street Yiddish accent, sign him up, ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old Nov 27th, 2003, 10:14 PM   #5
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Quote:
Nu? You vant I should go on da stage?
Started off sounding Scottish, switched to Yiddish and finished with some Jean Cretien French. Strange, but funny anyway. [img]graemlins/lmao.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lmao.gif[/img]
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Old Nov 27th, 2003, 10:27 PM   #6
 
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Scottish
Aye laddie. I canna say if I can go onna stage.
Ach no. I donna know about vaudville.
Oy!

Chretien
A proof iz a proof. Since a proof iz dere, it doezn't half to be proven. Dats why dere iz a proof.
[add lots of hand movemnt - hands with palms up and moving horizontally, above belt level, in and out, tiliting of the head and shrugging of shoulders]



[ November 28, 2003, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: macspectrum ]
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Old Nov 28th, 2003, 01:00 AM   #7
 
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Quote:
And your Scottish aint half bad either!
and i'm not even 1/2 scottish...
although i have been known to partake of a more than a few drams of Lagavulin now and again, for medicinal purposes only, of course !

"Blended soctch is for 'scotch and soda' drinkers. Single malt scotch is for scotch drinkers."

I just shudder when I hear the term; "Rusty Nail" brrrrrrrrr
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Old Nov 28th, 2003, 02:05 AM   #8
 
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Occhhh laddie...now yer talkin like a troo Scot!

Lagavulin. The finest of the Islay malts. You can taste the sea in every dram. Smooth and gentle with a bit of fire in the finish...distant, like a lone piper on a rocky crag over the next glen playing a mournful tune at sunset.

Brings a tear to me eye.
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Old Nov 28th, 2003, 02:10 AM   #9
 
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macnutt, you make me homesick -- and I'm not even Scottish and don't care for Scotch. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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Old Nov 28th, 2003, 02:42 AM   #10
 
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Like Mel Gibson said, during the final moments of "BraveHeart"....

"...this race of warrior poets..."
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