: General Canadian Jokes

Jul 3rd, 2010, 01:14 PM

About Canada

These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.

Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of ?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Jokes: General Canadian Jokes - Patriotism Canada (http://www.indefual.net/canada/jokes/general.html)

Jul 4th, 2010, 03:13 PM
I've seen a few variations of this in several forms, some with interchangeable country- but the truths are there.

I've always enjoyed this perspective from an American living in Canada (I'm surprised it's still there, has been the same for many years without updates)
An American's Guide to Canada (http://americansguide.ca/how.html)

I got a kick out of 'soldier= army guy'. Living near a base, I plead guilty. We've always referred to the military personnel as 'army guys' without a second thought.

I have Finn relatives. One man came over from Finland to visit my grandfather, He had a map and a list of people he wanted to visit (North shore of the great lakes, Ontario. Many Finns live in the Thunder Bay- Sudbury stretch), with an plan for a 'day trip'. My grandfather couldn't convince him of the impossibility of his plan. The distances would mean 1-2 days straight driving, without stops, never mind visiting. The visiter insisted it was entirely possible, "we'll just take the ferry" pointing to the great lakes and other waterways. You can drive across Finland in about 15 hours. The landscape is similar to northern Ontario, but scaled. Small lakes abound, and are crossed easily by ferry, which is usually basically a barge that may carry a few cars, on demand, over short distances.
The man had no concept of the scale of Canada (and Ontario) compared to Finland.

Jul 4th, 2010, 03:18 PM
I recall the myths and stereotypes that I was told by folks at the Canadian Consulate in Atlanta, GA, just before I came to teach/live in NL back in 1977. I went looking for the trolly down Water Street here in St.John's, only to be told that it was dismantled many years before I was born.

Newfoundland's Grand Banks - St. John's (http://ngb.chebucto.org/Dist_Photo/sje-0501-nppc-water-st-east-1904.shtml)