: ice the drummer ...


gordguide
Jan 20th, 2010, 08:24 AM
Posted on Craigslist, since removed by admins, but you know how the "internets" are ... someone saved the text, knowing that Craigslist is sensitive to such things as posting for a hitman ...

" ...
looking for someone special (laporte)
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Date: 2010-01-01, 12:20AM CST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
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who would kill my drummer for $100.00. do not fear any negative consequences for this act. any self respecting law enforcement agency would gladly turn the other cheek once they hear this guy "play". I am tired of hearing his 70's style fills put in the wrong spot and ending one half beat early or late depending on how much he's had to drink. I am tired of him standing up behind his drums between songs and ripping his shirt off and flexing his muscles at wedding receptions where we were hired to play Air Supply, carpenters , and ann murray songs because "chicks dig the pecs, dude". I am tired of him showing up 20 minutes late for rehearsals then pouting until someone helps him load in his drums, then taking 30 minutes to set them up and needing a smoke break every 15 minutes, then wanting to leave early because"this chick is so fine, I can't say no, and she knows record people dude, so it's for the band" I am totally done with him calling me up at midnight to play me some damned jazz fusion album from 1981, crying and saying how we shouldn't have sold out to "the man"and asking if I know anyone who can get him some weed knowing full well I smoked twice in 69 and never touched it after that. I am sick of him farting on stage where the drum mics pick it up and thinking this **** is funny. I am tired of kicking off slow ballads at well under 80 bpm only to have them morph into the methamphetimine version of flight of the bumble bee, because that's the tempo he "feels" it at. I am tired of having to carry jumper cables to the gig because "I must have left the dome light on again, dude"instead of admitting his 84 oldsmobile is a worn out piece of crap. I am tired of him asking when he's gonna get a drum solo. I am tired of paying his tab at restaurants because "that chick must have stole my wallet man, but it was worth it 'cause she was a phreak". I will not move my amp again so he can put another new cymbal on the stage, because "when we learn some fusion i'll need this sound".........please somebody kill this [mothertrucker]. i can't do it because he's my brother and mom would be so pissed off even though she thinks the band would probably sound better too. besides, if you are good at killing drummers, you could probably make a lot of money in this town.
..."

Original (was) at:
http://houston.craigslist.org/muc/1532514852.html

Max
Jan 20th, 2010, 08:37 AM
That's a hoot. I know a few drummers who might take exception to it though.

Nice change from the normal Craigslist stuff.

Kazak
Jan 20th, 2010, 11:37 AM
If this sort of thing were legal, living drummers would be as rare as Halley's Comet.

MazterCBlazter
Jan 20th, 2010, 11:49 AM
.

gordguide
Jan 20th, 2010, 02:57 PM
All in good fun:

Q: How do you tell if the person knocking on the door is your drummer?

A: The knocks get louder and faster.

MannyP Design
Jan 20th, 2010, 03:18 PM
If this sort of thing were legal, living drummers would be as rare as Halley's Comet.

Have you not seen Spinal Tap? Living drummers ARE rare. :D

MannyP Design
Jan 20th, 2010, 03:20 PM
My personal favorite:

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

A: Drool.

All in good fun:

Q: How do you tell if the person knocking on the door is your drummer?

A: The knocks get louder and faster.

SINC
Jan 20th, 2010, 03:34 PM
My favourite is an oldie, but a goody:

An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climbed to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian camp.

The captain says worriedly, "I don't like the sound of those drums."

The chief replies, "I know. It's not our regular drummer." :D

BigDL
Jan 20th, 2010, 03:55 PM
or What do you call a guy that continually hangs around a band and bugs musicians?

A: a drummer

MazterCBlazter
Jan 20th, 2010, 04:08 PM
.

groovetube
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:10 PM
hey. I've done it for 33 years, and no one, has successfully killed me yet. Not, that no one has tried.

However, I can, if I had some time, write an equally damning note about the preening -I- don't need a metronome listen to my new crappy 500 dollar piece of crap buzz saw pedal I bought I need someone to hand me one of my 9 guitars I made everyone squeeze in the vehicle because I needed all of them geniuses I've encountered over the years.
;)

Ottawaman
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:13 PM
However, I can, if I had some time, write an equally damning note about the preening -I- don't need a metronome listen to my new crappy 500 dollar piece of crap buzz saw pedal I bought I need someone to hand me one of my 9 guitars I made everyone squeeze in the vehicle because I needed all of them geniuses I've encountered over the years.
;)

Please, find the time. lol ;)

Rps
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:22 PM
You know this is not funny. I was in a band where we, too, had a drummer who was always out of step with the rest of us. I was the leader and had to tell him to get it together. He just couldn't seem to, he just kept dragging the beat. Finally we had enough and kicked him out. None of us realised the impact that decision would have on him. We didn't realise how it hurt him, how it damaged his self-esteem. We didn't think much of it, as there is always another drummer out there, but we were all shocked and felt ourselves to blame when we were told that he couldn't take the rejection anymore and, one day, sadly, threw himself behind a train.

Ottawaman
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:28 PM
You know this is not funny. I was in a band where we, too, had a drummer who was always out of step with the rest of us. I was the leader and had to tell him to get it together. He just couldn't seem to, he just kept dragging the beat. Finally we had enough and kicked him out. None of us realised the impact that decision would have on him. We didn't realise how it hurt him, how it damaged his self-esteem. We didn't think much of it, as there is always another drummer out there, but we were all shocked and felt ourselves to blame when we were told that he couldn't take the rejection anymore and, one day, sadly, threw himself behind a train.

lol

screature
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:30 PM
lol

Really?

Ottawaman
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:36 PM
Really?

I take this to be a joke regarding timing....
sadly, threw himself behind a train.

if I'm wrong I apologize.

MazterCBlazter
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:37 PM
.

screature
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:39 PM
I take this to be a joke regarding timing....


if I'm wrong I apologize.

Nah you are right... stupid me. :rolleyes:

Didn't catch it on first reading. Actually a good one. :lmao: I got sucked in by the seriousness of how Rps told it and missed that last little all important detail.

Ottawaman
Jan 21st, 2010, 09:54 PM
No big deal.
Cheers.