: The New Axes of Evil

Mar 28th, 2003, 12:17 PM
The New Axes of Evil
By John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil ... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil ... we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three counties", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun
of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected
the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay",
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

LOL, this is awesome! Hehehe, esp. last paragraph smile.gif - Griller

Mar 28th, 2003, 12:23 PM
Good one, Griller. I wonder where ehMacLand would be placed, or whom we would join. We might need a community election (not for Mayor, Mr.Mayor), or a referendum. I was able to have these on my SiteScape Forum discussion groups for my various web courses. My students thought that this was a grand idea, and the issues ranged from a longer school day/year, to the utilization of standardized tests, to the importance of computer technoloy in the classroom.

Maybe we should hold a referendum as to which axis we would/should join.

A note of caution. Remember the two Quebec referendums and the one held in Newfoundland and Labrador, which brought NL into Canadian Confederation on April 1st, 1949. There are still some people throughout NL who on April 1st of every year place black streamers from their doors and wear black armbands for the loss of the independent nation of Newfoundland.

Cynical Critic
Mar 28th, 2003, 01:45 PM
This had a link posted to it before and while it's funny, it's most likely not written by John Cleese.

Sorry, I don't mean to be a party pooper. ;)

Mar 28th, 2003, 02:23 PM
Indeed, SatireWire seems to be claiming credit while at the same time there are more than a few people who say it came from TheOnion.

It's still funny. though.


Mar 28th, 2003, 02:27 PM
Proud to be from Canaguay!

Mar 28th, 2003, 03:07 PM
CC, thanks for ruining the wine and Cleese party!!!!! Now all we have are all of these crackers and a pair of dancing doxies to amuse the folks attending this party. Way to go!!!!!!!!1 :mad: :D

Mar 28th, 2003, 03:09 PM
What about my idea of a referendum????? Vote and the choice is yours..........don't vote and the choice goes to someone else.

Peter Scharman
Mar 28th, 2003, 03:18 PM
"Axes of evil" ??? Do we now have people running around with axes?

Mar 28th, 2003, 03:32 PM
Peter, so long as they know the difference between a log and a doxie, the roaming hordes of axe-carrying Orcs shall be contained on their own island. Might I suggest Salt Spring Island, with all of its warmth and natural charm and beauty??? :D

Mar 28th, 2003, 03:33 PM
I would be afraid that SSI would be shortly scheduled for "liberation."

Mar 28th, 2003, 11:22 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by macello:
Proud to be from Canaguay!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hehehe :D

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Peter Scharman:
"Axes of evil" ??? Do we now have people running around with axes?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hehe, I hope not. I'm pretty sure that's how you spell the plural form of 'axis'... well at least I hope it is! smile.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dr. G:
...the roaming hordes of axe-carrying Orcs shall be contained on their own island... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Haha, orcs??!?!! I think G's been playing to much WarCraft III or he really likes his Tolkien.