Q's about Canada - good for a laugh

kevs~just kevs

A friend just emailed this to me, it's pretty funny to see what people oversees and south of the border view as typical in Canada...

A few good chuckles, Canadian or not:

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad
tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q:It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a
list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)

A: What, did your last slave die?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo > racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday > night inVancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you sell it in Canada?(USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
round?(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

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John Clay

They all had me chuckling, but this one made me really laugh.

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winwintoo

They are funny, but you want to be a Westerner moving to Toronto.

I watched a co-worker in Toronto dissolve in tears after I explained to her that the animal on the back of the Canadian quarter was an elk, not a moose.

Another co-worker wondered how the cows staying in fields that have hills inside them because the hill is taller than the fence.

One well-travelled lady told me of her up-coming trip to Dakota. I asked if she meant North Dakota or South Dakota and she angrily informed me that the correct name of the state was Dakota. Maybe she was mad because I referred her to old western movies that talked about "Dakota territory"

You don't want me to go on.

Margaret

i<3myiBookg4

Hippo racing!

MaxPower

You don't know about Hippo Racing??

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Vexel

We race the North American House Hippo back east. Makes for a wonderful day/weekend.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_hippo

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capitalK

I do quality control in a call centre and hear some crazy things from our neighbors to the south. One agent I was listening to was totally fishing in a customer on the phone who was very curious about Canada. How he kept a straight face about this is beyond me because I couldn't stop laughing.

Some examples:

Customer "do you have CD's in Canada?
Agent "We got a box full of them once, but we didn't have anything to play them on"

and

Customer "Do you use dollars up there or do you have something else?"
Agent "Oh, we have Beaver Bucks, they're like dollars but have different famous beavers on them instead of presidents. I'm not sure how many of your dollars are in a beaver buck"

Unfortunately it's my job to tell him that kind of fun isn't REALLY appropriate but man he had me laughing.

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