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Hidden costs of health care

2K views 11 replies 7 participants last post by  Kosh 
#1 ·
Mom's been in the hospital with a broken leg for nearly 3 weeks. We expect her to be in hospital for another week and then in convelescent care for a few weeks after that.

Since she won't be assessed as needing nursing care, she won't qualify for grovernment assistance to pay for the help she will need to get around, my sister and I will have to provide that help - and how do you calculate that cost - or pay for someone else to do it out of our own pockets because Mom has limited funds. Whether we do it ourselves, or pay someone else to do it, the emotional drain on us and Mom is going to be tremendous. We know what it was like before this latest (not the first) break and now we will need to be even more vigilant.

We along with one of our 4 other siblings have decided to bear the cost of placing Mom in a retirement community with full services - one of those too good to be true ones you see advertised on tv - we think she'll be happy there and when we visit, we can visit and not be worried about what needs to be done.

The cost of this placement is about equal to what it was costing us to keep her in her city-subsidized apartment, but we won't have the worry so it's a no-brainer for us. Our other siblings have different opinions and that's become a problem, but they'll just have to get over it.

So, I started out talking about hidden costs of health care.

We are not alone. In talking to the manager of this facility, we discovered that most of the residents are having their costs underwritten by their children!

I'm living off the pension money that I worked hard to accumulate and now I'm paying out some of that money to care for my aged mother. In addition to paying out the money, I'm spending time caring for her - time that I could potentially be working and earning more money, so in effect, I'm spending the money twice + plus the interest - somebody do the math, my head hurts.

I won't have money to pay for this nice place to live when I'm tired of cooking and cleaning for myself.

So maybe the Amereekans have the right idea after all. Only the fit will survive into old age. Only the rich will survive into old age. The rest, lacking adequate health care will have died off.

Just like in the jungle.

BTW, my kids have a plan for me. They're going to set me up on an ice floe in the Arctic. They'll let me have a tv and a satelite dish and my computer :D

Margaret
 
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#2 ·
Another option, if you or one of your siblings has room, is to bring your mother home and hire a Care Aide. Depending on the level of care and needs would determine how often you need a Care Aide in a day. To save money don't use a company to provide the services, put an ad in the paper, check each applicant out personally (even have your mom involved in the process).
Depending on what Care Aides are receiving for wages in Regina you could offer the same or a couple loonies less. If you go through a private company you could pay 2 to 3 times per hour for the same Care Aide and they (care aide) will only get a fraction of that cost.
The best part is that your there when they're there, and you know what kind of care your mom is receiving. Until the day that she qualifies for government assistance.

Care Aides are trained (at least in BC) to help plan meals and make them, personal care, some housekeeping (cleaning bathrooms etc.. necessary cleaning not cleaning windows or cleaning the attic of cob webs ;) ) and depending on level of training can do dressings (wound care) if the supplies are there.

I worked in the field for 11 years in a Hospital and an Extended Care Unit. There are options but you need to find someone that knows them for your area.

I've seen a lot of families (including mine) use up savings and pensions to care for an aged parent.
Here in BC the Liberal Gov't has changed assessment forms to qualify for assistance, most people don't qualify for care anymore that would normally be at an Assisted Living place, and are now left in the hands of family to care for or are put in medical beds in a Hospital at a high price. It hasn't been good.
 
#4 ·
All good information, and the kind of information we've been getting.

Neither my sister or I have a home that Mom could move into. I live in a bachelor apartment that I struggle to pay the rent on. My sister has already had one heart attack and will know in the next week if she will need more heart surgery; even if her health would allow it, her house is all stairs. Mom could not live there.

AND - WHO THE HELL DECIDED (I'm not talking about you guys here) that the two of us out of 6 kids that didn't have the sneakiness to move away should be REQUIRED to give up the best years of our lives to tend to the needs of a cranky old woman??

We don't have the time or the emotional fortitude to go through the interviewing process to interview someone to come in to care for Mom. And then even if we did succeed in finding someone reliable, we couldn't afford 24/7 care and what about companionship. We're her daughters, we need friends our own age, visiting Mom is one thing, spending enough time with her so she won't be bored will turn us into turnips long before she wears out.

She isn't frail enough for a nursing home - doesn't qualify under the assessment structure - so even if we could get her into one, we'd have to pay and the cost would be far more than the "luxury hotel" we've chosen for her.

I'm not complaining that there are no services for old people.

I'm saying that a lot of the so-called services - as you've so eloquently stated above - REQUIRE a great deal of unpaid time and effort by family members, many of whom have to take time off from work, or forego their own needs to care for aging parents.

Once a person has reached the stage where nursing care is required, either in hospital or in a nursing home, there are lots of services available, most covered by free health care - those costs are not hidden.

What I'm talking about are the HIDDEN COSTS that are bourne by the adult children of those elderly who are in that gray area of not being quite able to be left on their own, but not ready for nursing services.

We're getting damn tired of it.

Margaret
 
#5 ·
Your Mum is a very lucky person in many ways, Margaret. Many older people do not have caring children. You are also right to point out the significant burden placed on yourself and your sister, not just financially but emotionally. There is no need for you to justify your actions to others. You are clearly incapable of leaving your mother to her own devices - yet some of your siblings have detached. You need your own time and life. Without it, you would come to resent your mother and you'd become detached as well. You are not alone, but many people have no clue about these excruciating decisions. As I said at the beginning, your mother is very lucky to have such a caring daughter.
 
#6 ·
Thanks for the support :eek:

I do it because it's the right thing to do and I'm amply rewarded. We took Mom to her new home today for lunch and she was delighted - she has never had the economic ability to live in such luxury!

There are thousands of people in situations similar to mine. Many of them don't get any recognition and I think it's time that their plight is brought to the attention of the public.

Take care, Margaret
 
#7 ·
winwintoo said:
Thanks for the support :eek:

I do it because it's the right thing to do and I'm amply rewarded. We took Mom to her new home today for lunch and she was delighted - she has never had the economic ability to live in such luxury!

There are thousands of people in situations similar to mine. Many of them don't get any recognition and I think it's time that their plight is brought to the attention of the public.

Take care, Margaret

Recognition, a hard thing to come by, believe me we know. But needed to keep our own sanity sometimes.

Even though my Grandmother qualified for assistance we couldn't get any payment from the Gov't unless we hired someone!! Being a Nursing Assistant 1 and working in the field for 6 years at the time, I was more than qualified to take care of her, but the gov't in their infinite wisdom wouldn't help financially. Only at tax time we could claim some expenses.

I hope you and your family find a wonderful place for your mom and the gov't comes to their senses.
 
#8 ·
Unfortunately, we have become a family divided over this issue. As I said earlier, my sister and I have been "doing" for Mom for years. We live here, it's not been a problem. Mom has been pretty independent and would rather struggle onto a city bus than call one of us to drive her to the mall - it helped her feel in control and in a way it was good for her.

But there was still a lot of stuff that we had to do that nobody ever saw. And now with this most recent fracture, the burden would be too much for both of us. My sister's declining health means that she can't carry any of the load so that just leaves me here to carry it all.

My sister and I along with our youngest brother decided to move Mom into a retirement community that sounds very expensive and looks like a luxury hotel. As far as I know the three of us are paying for it. The other three siblings haven't been asked for any money.

But, I got a long distance phone call from one brother who yelled at me that I should have set up subsidized taxi service and meals-on-wheels for Mom years ago and I just want to move her to this place so I can "dump" her there.

I went there for lunch today - "dump" no, I'll be joining her, at least for meals :D

Then I got an email from a sister in California whose spent maybe 30 hours total with Mom in the past 45 years - whining about how expensive it is to live in California and how selfish it is of me to "dump" Mom in this place where she'll be lonely. Most of the email was in 48 point type. I got the feeling she was screaming at me.

My sister and I didn't wander into this blindly. We did a cost benefit analysis - OK, it was on a napkin in the hospital cafeteria, but I bet the CFO of GM does a lot of the same thing - and to purchase the same services separately, would cost more than to just pay these folks, let them provide the services and we don't have to spend hours every month co-ordinating them.

So I guess there's another hidden cost of health care - what it does to families. It's well known that kids can't split up Mom's stuff after she passes on without squabbling, but deciding on where to move her when she's still alive can also cause problems.

Take care, Margaret
 
#9 ·
I'm going through a similar situation right now. :(

And...I bet that a lot of other people of my age group are also facing this.

My mother was pretty much normal...mostly...until she hit her seventies...

Then, suddenly, she bought...at age 78...a fancy forty thousand dollar sports car and began to keep company with a penniless gold digger who was in his early fifties (my mum is two years younger than HIS mum!!). This guy is a major lifetime loser who is well known all around these parts...and he has a live-in girlfriend, as well.

But my old mum keeps on talking about "marrying him". :eek: :(

Her totally erratic behavior has even prompted her personal physician to have her examined by mental health professionals.

And now...the whole family realises that she needs to be in an extended care home. For the rest of her days. Not an easy choice. Especially when we are talking about the lady who has always given us her all...

Scary stuff. No simple solutions here.
 
#11 ·
Margaret

It's great you could come here and vent.

From what you have said, you have worked hard to achieve some balance - care for your Mom, and life for you. It doesn't appear to me that your are dumping her. I have had lots of experience with elderly grandparents, and eventually they ended up in the same sort of places - but they were happy about it! The last thing they wanted was to be a burden on the family. While I can certainly understand other siblings being concerned it seems fair that if they cannot participate, they should not complain.

We are rapidly approaching difficult times for my mother-in-law. She lives in Chile, and has a very modest pension. She is divorced. Her health and mobility are OK for now, but problems are beginning to show. So we have decided to lay the groundwork now with my wife's siblings - to have agreements in place to make sure this wonderful woman can concentrate on life and not feel desperate, abandoned and burdonsome.

MacNutt's situation is another problem entirely. Terrible. This is your Mom, and now you have to start forcing tough decisions on her.
 
#12 · (Edited)
Paul O'Keefe said:
How old is the individual in question? If you pay to put her in a nursing home wouldn't those costs be tax deductable?
No, I don't think that's too much help. I took a look at tax deductions when my 64 year old mom came to live with me when she retired. As long as she's eaning some sort of income above a certain level they don't seem to allow a deduction and she's always going to be earning an income via CPP and a small work pension. Fortunately at 64, my mom is still very mobile and does the grocery shopping, a bit of cleaning (between when the house-cleaner is around), and gardening (flowers seem to be popping up everywhere including in the house although I've tried to limit the numbers in the house before the flowers create a jungle), but I can see the day I'll be in Margaret's situation and I'll be sending my mom off to a retirement home. It's interesting that my situation is almost opposite of Margaret's, my mom moved to Ottawa to live with me, as my two sisters that live in Winnipeg, which is one hour from where my mom used to live, didn't have room for her. One of my sisters lives in a two bedroom apartment, the other lives in a two bedroom housetrailer. I'm the only one who's been able to afford a decent house.
 
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