That emoticon (rolleyes) sums up a recent experience I had with telling the honest truth. It wasn't even regarding something significant, but the person who I told this bit of truth took it and blew it out of proportion and significance. Not just by my standards or judgement, it's something I'm sure 99.5% of people would consider insignificant (hmm, i guess this says a bit about the person I'm talking about).
Do I have to resort to telling 'white lies'? The idea is a bit ugly/ shady to me because it basically means not being completely honest OR not being completely open. A white lie in this case may have saved me a 'situation' I'm in. I like being honest and open, but using white lies seems like it may prevent some 'annoying' situations. Who am I kidding? I've told white lies before, but it was in a different context..... arrrrrgh!! Yes, you may have guessed. I'm in the context of a relationship. [img]redface.gif[/img]
I think it all depends on context. You're not giving us much to work with here. Care to fatten up the data a bit?
I'm not saying you should reveal any names or even actual events. But if you want anyone to comment with anything other than the generic "thou shalt not lie"...then we're going to need a bit more.
Much "communication" is non-verbal and trying to communicate tricky emotional issues via print even by phone is a minefield.
Likely it was something in the rest of the communication spectrum that triggered the response.
And yes speaking from experience walking on eggshells is often the rule in relationships. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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Griller, honesty at the onset will help to strengthen the basis of the relationship, or to reveal critical flaws in the "structure" of the foundation. As Macnutt might say, "Trust me on this one."
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Dr.G.
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"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
In over 38 years of marriage, my wife and I have never lied to each other. We do both recognize though, that we each have some things we know from time to time, that it is best the other doesn't. To that end it is far better to say nothing than to be even a "little dishonest" or tell white lies.
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My girlfriend (we work in the same company... a WHOLE new issue i know! lol) asked me if I've ever asked anyone from our company. To this point, I'd already established that I haven't felt the feelings that I feel for her, about anyone else here. So then she goes, "be honest, now" 'cause she'd asked me the same question a couple times already and I had been completely open and honest the whole time. So I thought a little bit (yes! I had to even 'dig' a little bit for something), and told her that, "yeah there was this one girl that I 'asked out' ."
I thought about it last night (tossed and turned! I tell ya) and the defiinition of "ask out" that I was using was "to invite out as a friend." I'm pretty sure her definition of "ask out" was "to pursue romantic interest or feelings for." That other was completely that, just a friend nothing with no interest in my mind of anything more than that; i was inviting that girl out as a buddy, friend, etc.
See, last night (while tossing and turning) I realized that I answered a Class 8 Seriousness relationship question with Class 1 Seriousness answer. Any answer entered into such a 'serious' question would be analyzed and interpreted through a class 8 context. ARRRRGH!!! (I know you like my "Classification of Seriousness" system hehehe). I think I basically gave up too much info. which, while 'somewhat' related to her question, really wasn't necessary (and would have been fine to keep to myself).
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I would now be totally honest with your girlfriend and explain to her your anxieties and explain to her the facts. Even show her this thread. Be honest and open and you shall be pleased with the results.
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Dr.G.
14" G4 iBook
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"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
Thats the thing I like about my girlfriend, she never over analyse what I am saying.
I think the best solution is to tell her that she missunderstood what you said and reexplain it to her.
If she really doesnt want to understand, maybe you better off without her because if she can blow out of proportion something that simple, more problem are to come...
This is a common problem about girls. They like to complexify everything because it adds 'spice' to their life / relationship. A simple relation without any 'action' is seen as borring. This could be easely explained by all the tv shows like Friends, Sex in the city etc who are full of relationship problem. Girls (and guys) like these show and want to emulate it.
Life is so borring compared to what we see on tv... Errhhh.. NOT!
I don't think the issue here is whether or not you should have kept this information to yourself. The problem is that you misunderstood the question.
Had you known (or asked) what the question really was, you could have been perfectly open and honest in this situation. i.e., "You mean, asked out romantically? No one." You could OPTIONALLY added: "I've asked Julie if she wanted to go for a post-work beer or two, but that was just a friend-thing, not a date-thing.")
If this is bothering either of you, and if you want to clear the air, talk to your girlfriend, and explain that you misunderstood what she was asking.
I'm a marketing writer, so for me, context, perception and presentation are all facets of the honest truth. Here's how I think you could keep the potential damage to a minimum.
Preface that explanation with a disclaimer like "I'm a bit dense sometimes", or "Sometimes, I'm a bit of an idiot" since some people would have trouble believing that it wasn't obvious to you what she meant -- I would, if I were in your girlfriend's shoes.
And don't make a huge deal out of the issue or spend a lot of time insisting that it was just asking out as a buddy. If you overdo it, it may look defensive in this context. Just state the facts and move on.
(DISCLAIMER: Of course, I don't know you or your girlfriend, so all of this may be way off.)
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