The Lord said, "Thou shalt not blame the doxies, for they are blessed amongst mankind."
Dachshund Creation
On the first day, God created the dachshund and He saw that he was good.
On the second day, God created man, and well, God was not impressed.
On the third day, God and the dachshund met to decide what to do with the man and they determined he should be the dachshunds servant.
On the fourth day, God and the dachshund trained the man to get food, get water and to make a fuss over the dachshund.
On the fifth day, the dachshund said to God, "Hey, Big Guy, this is kind of fun to be waited on foot and foot, but what's next? " So God created woman. That same day, God and the dachshund began the woman's training.
She was trained to tell the man exactly when to get water and when exactly to get food so that God and the dachshund would not have to be bothered.
On the sixth day, the woman found some apples and told the man to take them to the dachshund. The dachshund, on seeing the apples said, "Hey! Those are God's apples off His tree, we are not supposed to eat them!"
The man said, "OK, I will eat them myself!" And he did and shared them with the woman. Well, God got pretty ticked and He threw the man and woman out of the area. And God was left alone with the dachshund.
On the seventh day, God thought about taking a rest, but the dachshund was hungry and thirsty and God had to get up early to take care of the dachshund because the man and the woman were gone.
Once God got used to getting up really early to tend to dachshunds needs, things settled into a sort of routine. God would get up, dig the dachshund out of its warm burrow in the clouds and take the dachshund to an area to take care of business. This is where hail comes from.
Later, God would find the dachshund food and feed it from His own hand and give the dachshund over to the angels with which to play. The dachshund would race back and forth over the clouds with the angels in tow, racing here and there and tearing up the sky. This is where tornadoes come from (from dachshunds running back and forth over the tops of the clouds).
In the evening, after the dachshund was really tired after playing with the angels, God would take it back into His bed, burrowed in the clouds. But the dachshund always wanted a night light on. This is where sunsets come from (the dachshund night light).
And God has been looking after little dachshunds ever since.
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Dr.G.
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Paix
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
Why are dachshunds so hard to housebreak?
Because their brains are so far away from their rear ends.
Doxies often have no idea what their rear ends are doing.
Why do dachshunds have such a loud bark? Because the only thing bigger than a doxie's heart are its lungs.
Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign on the door that read "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOXIE!" Inside he noticed a harmless old Dachshund asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is that the Doxie folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," the manager replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous Doxie to me," he said. "Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the manager replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
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Dr.G.
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Paix
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
Sinc: you should have a look at Christy Blatchford's column in Saturday's Globe. She too recalls Doug Creighton fondly, but took time out in her piece to give a poke in the eye to Doug's former friends who sold him out and ousted him from the paper. Damn shame what happened to him, but what a life lived, indeed!
Assignment #1 Comment upon any one of the following statements in a well written essay, with documented and cited theoretical rationales underlying your comments, in no less that 13,836 words.
a) Argos, the faithful dog of the Greek hero, Odysseus, waited nearly 20 years for his master's return from Troy.
b)"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." Kant
c) "How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling the tail a leg doesn't make it a leg." Lincoln
d) "A dog's best friend is his illiteracy." Ogden Nash
e) "The dog is a gentleman. I hope to go to his heaven, not man's." Mark Twain
f) "A dog wags its tail with its heart." Martin Buxbaum
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Dr.G.
14" G4 iBook
15" MacBook Pro (July, 2009)
13" MacBooK Pro with Retina Display
Paix
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
I too read Blatchford's article in today's Globe. An impassioned memorial and heartfelt testimonial to Creighton's much-loved character. Good on her for taking a moment to dis some of the folks who later turned on Creighton near the end of his life.
I've read a few memorial columns on the subject of the Sun's famous founder, and it struck me how many journos have recently acknowledged a debt of gratitude to the man' he was well and truly loved. I hated the Sun and only read it to be up on the the machinations of the local right-wing poobahs - George Jonas, Babs Amiel and Lubor J. Zink come to mind - but I can also see that Creighton's little paper that grew fostered an environment where certain journos could really flourish. No wonder he was so beloved. He sounds like he was a great guy. I admit to a begrudging admiration for Christie B - she's one tough writer with a solid B.S. detector - and to see her go soft and mushy over Doug C. gives me was, well, an honourable thing to witness.
Sinc, I sincerely agree with your comments about lotus. She adds that "special grace" to our entire community, and we are all richer for her presence. Paix.
__________________
Dr.G.
14" G4 iBook
15" MacBook Pro (July, 2009)
13" MacBooK Pro with Retina Display
Paix
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read these books." Mark Twain
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